I need to learn more

Past few mornings, when I wake up, I have this constant feeling of “I need to learn more” churning up inside me. Like some kind of mad fire. I am managing it by keeping myself occupied – and yet, this feeling lingers, it is like some kind of ghost that haunts me.

I wouldn’t call it completely under control. But hear me out, this is really bizarre and funny that I got these two long ass messages from people I went to school with, about how they think I am doing really great in life, and one of them took the liberty to call me “evolved” and as much as my narcissist self would take pleasure in accepting that compliment, in all honesty – I feel every time I learn a bit about myself, I only find that there’s so much more to learn. This persistent hunger for “growth” is eating me up to a point that if you ask me what “growth means” to me – I would fumble.

After all, what growth really means anyway? Should I measure my growth by comparing my present “me” from the person I used to be? Because from that standard, I sure as hell have grown 4 inches of waist, hahaha, perhaps like 0.001 inch of brain size too (or so I hope). Lame jokes aside, when I sit down every evening with my phone between my index fingers, and almost like a religious fanatic I write – I feel I am growing as a disciplined writer, who wants to get these few words out of the system before the day ends.

And if I could use some freedom to say some painful truths here – I am going to tell you that this feeling of “I need to learn” “I need to grow” it doesn’t calm down after writing these long endless paragraphs of ranting about some existential shit, it doesn’t end.

It only amplifies. ❤️🙏

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