Of darkness behind the curtains

I know that the optimist in me
Is not trying anymore.
It’s looking for the sad dull alleys
Of loneliness and seeks no-people place.
Seeks nothingness, seeks a blank space.
“All you have done is use your phone since you woke up”
My mother says
And I cannot explain my struggle to her,
this struggle I go through every morning
to find just the right words,
to write down
About this helplessness
About this emptiness
The reason why I just want to lay down
And do nothing for hours.
Break down in my bathroom
Every morning, when I go for a bath.
Yes mum, all I have done is use my phone
Since I woke up
Not because I’m lazy,
But there is no motivation.
Suddenly I am starting to forget
All the things I wished to achieve
All the dreams I had seen
All the love I wanted to spread
All the examples I thought I’d lead.
Now I just want to lay down in darkness
And look at how the light hides behind the thick
Curtains of my room.

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